“That’s a hell of a lot of pink,” Derek says.
I look over at my new roommate’s side of the room. He’s right. There are more shades of pink in her tiny space than I knew existed. Even her bed has about ten different hues of pink on it. I didn’t realize that a person could color coordinate her laptop, pillows, lamp, alarm clock, and storage crates, but she appears to have done all this and more.
I turn back to my side. The college-provided bed is raised; underneath are plastic bins that are all black. There is nothing in any of them, but I haven’t unpacked much. There are no sheets yet, because my parents and brother are on their way back with my last few boxes. It looks like a room in a hospital rather than in a dorm. When my new roommate, Kristen, shows up, she’s going to be disappointed.
Kristen and I communicated via Facebook all summer, although most of our conversations were about who was bringing what. I don’t know a ton about her except that she is majoring in education, she bought the fridge, and she seems nice enough. I admit that I was not prepared to live inside a bottle of Pepto-Bismol, but the last thing I want to do is start college fighting with my roommate. Besides, at least her side looks like a person lives in it – as opposed to my jailhouse chic look.
“It’s fine,” I say. “I’m sure I’ll be too busy to notice.”
Derek’s about to respond when my parents and brother, Jon, return with the rest of my stuff. I feel like I brought too much, partially because there doesn’t seem to be enough space for it all, and partially because I don’t feel like unpacking it. Or bringing it home in nine months. After climbing the four flights of stairs at least ten times, even my athletic brother looks tired. The worst is that he still needs to finish moving his stuff to his dorm – and he’s not even on the right campus at the moment.
“It’s getting late,” my dad says. “Mom and I should be heading back. Do you think you can finish without us?”
My father is all about efficiency. The boxes are out of the car and in the room; therefore, it is time to head back before it gets dark or they hit traffic. I look at the boxes I haven’t unpacked; my parents aren’t going to be able to do much anyway.
“Go,” I say. “If I need anything, I’ll call.”
Dad seems ready to leave, satisfied with my answer and never one for emotional goodbyes, but Mom is fighting back tears. She hugs me and I feel her shaking a little.
“My little girl,” she says. The guys in the room share a collective awkward glance and I try to stop my mom before she gets out of hand. I’ve never even been to summer camp, so this is a big step for my parents, although I don’t remember her being this upset when my brother went away to school last year. I suppose it’s because I’m the youngest. And a girl. Girls seem to be able to get into far more trouble, as far as parents are concerned. At least she can be comforted knowing I’m on the Pill; she made sure of that as soon as I was old enough to know what sex was. It didn’t matter that it took another few years before I actually had it.
“It’s fine, Mom. I’m only an hour away. And I’ll be home in a little over a month for Columbus Day.”
“If you need anything or if you decide you want to come home-”
“I know. I’ll call.” I hug her again and my dad pushes her toward the door. “Thanks again. I love you both. Call me when you get home, okay?” I know this will appease my mother and it seems to be what she needs to allow my father to point her into the hallway. They say one more goodbye and then it is just Derek, me, and Jon.
Derek and Jon have been best friends for years, since they were kids. Despite my crush on Derek that started when I was in eighth grade, we’ve only been dating for ten months. Luckily, Jon has had plenty of time to get used to the idea. He’s been supportive, although I don’t suppose he had much of a choice. It makes it easier that we can still be the same when we’re together, even with the new relationship.
“We should probably head out fairly soon, too,” he says to Derek. “I have to go get some stuff for the dorm, though, so I, uh…”
“What the hell do you still have to get?” I ask.
“Um, you know, some stuff. Like things. For the, uh, stuff.” He and Derek share a look. “Why don’t I go get that stuff and those things and I guess it’ll be like an hour. Yeah? An hour’s good?”
I admit that there’s still something strange about sleeping with my brother’s best friend. When Derek walked in on me masturbating during my 18th birthday weekend, we ended up having quite the night. I still don’t know when Derek told Jon and, although my brother must know we are intimate, it isn’t really something we talk about openly. Clearly.
I look to Derek, thinking there are plenty of things I can do with him in an hour. He smiles and nods to Jon. I know he’s thinking the same thing that I am.
“Yeah, that works. Text me when you’re back on campus and I’ll meet you out front. So you don’t have to park.”
“Cool. Bye, Lily. See you in a month,” Jon says.
He’s gone and Derek starts ripping the boxes apart looking for my comforter. He doesn’t even say anything before he tosses it on the bed and drags me onto him. It’s obvious we both have the same intentions for our time together before my brother returns. I get my shirt and bra off while he pulls my pants to my ankles. We undress in a quick tangle of limbs and clothing and he has me naked on my back within a minute of my brother leaving. He slides his fingers inside of me and they get right to work.
“Shit, Lily. I thought I was going to die,” he says.
“I know. Now shut up and play with my pussy,” I tell him. He does what I tell him and I’m wet immediately. His thumb teases my clit until it is throbbing and I feel his hard cock pressing against my thigh. Derek covers my mouth with his and his tongue slips between my lips. I am enjoying the way he plays with me when the door opens.
“Oh, um…” A girl’s voice sounds in the room and Derek grabs the edges of my comforter, wrapping us in the navy blue fabric. He does not remove his fingers as we both look at my roommate. This is the first time I’ve met Kristen in person.
“Hi,” I say, blushing.
Kristen smiles. “Sorry,” she laughs. “I would suggest you a) lock the door and b) hang something on the handle. I have to go to the bookstore, so I will come back in a little while. And I’ll knock.” She laughs again and leaves, locking the door this time.
“Wow, that was embarrassing,” I say. Last year, it was Derek walking in on me and now it’s my roommate walking in on us both. I don’t have much of a track record. Although Derek walking in on me led to something very similar to what we are doing now, and Kristen walking in on us led to… well, something very similar to what we are doing now. Still, I definitely need to learn to lock my door.
Derek doesn’t reply, but gets back to work on my cunt. He moves down my legs and slides his tongue inside of me.
“Oh fuck,” I moan as his tongue slips in and out of my pussy. I enjoy my first orgasm in my college dorm room bed with Derek’s head between my legs. He doesn’t let me relax after, though, and he is ready to move into position to enter me as soon as I finish. I feel him push deep inside of me and he pulls me up to meet him.
“I love you, Lily,” he says. I tighten around his hard cock when he says it. After four years of thinking about Derek, I still can’t believe this is real. His hands move into my hair and he brings my face close to his. I feel so happy wrapped around him and I start to come again. “You are perfect,” he whispers as my pussy contracts and I go weak in his arms. I move back and forth with him, but eventually the sensations are too much and I collapse back onto the bed. Derek lifts my legs and pounds himself into me, his throbbing growing stronger by the second. After I come yet again, he explodes and then falls on top of me, our sweaty bodies still linked together.
I cling to him, feeling his back muscles relaxing now that he has come. He kisses the top of my head and gets off the bed. I admire his body as he stands naked in front of me. Everything I imagined for years in high school is on full view, and he’s far more than I ever dreamed he would be. I can’t help but laugh when I think about how much I worshipped him even when he was an awkward freshman.
“Are you laughing at me?” He is smiling, though, and I know that he knows I find nothing funny about his body now.
“I was just remembering how hot I thought you were back when you still had braces,” I tease.
“Well, I had a crush on you before you even had tits,” he mocks me back.
I lean against the wall, pushing my chest forward. “I have them now,” I tell him.
He moves back to me and gets hard again. I slip his cock in between my breasts and he moans, closing his eyes, as I tempt him. He moves up and down between my breasts, which is somehow as hot for me as it is for him. I think I just love the idea that he feels this turned on by me. “You certainly do,” he says.
I know it won’t be long before Kristen comes back, so I bring my head down to his cock and suck him off, waiting for the warm load as it slides down my throat. Now that we’re both satisfied, I get off the bed and dress, his gaze still on my naked ass as I bend over. If I had any say, Derek and I would have hours to spend doing exactly what we just did. However, the hour is almost up.
“Derek, my roommate will be back any minute. We are going to have to stop. Besides, you don’t want to be the one who tells Jon why you aren’t ready.” I know he’s getting horny again, so I pull my pants on quickly and throw his shirt at him. We’ve been together ten months and neither of us has had enough. It’s flattering to know that he still looks at me the same way. I know I wouldn’t mind having more time with him, but I would really like to meet my roommate while clothed. “Get dressed.”
“You make me insane. How am I going to wait all week to see you?”
“Skype me tonight. I’ll give you something to think about until the weekend,” I tell him.
“You should have come to State, Lily.”
“I didn’t get straight A’s and scholarships for nothing.” I say it like I mean it, but watching him pull his shirt over his head and thinking about having sex with him do make me doubt my decision a little. I wouldn’t mind having him accessible at all hours.
By the time Kristen returns, Derek and I have made my bed and unpacked a few more boxes. My side of the room has started to look like someone lives in it finally. It’s not color coordinated or anything, but there are a few pictures up, my school supplies fill my desk drawers, there are snacks in the bins by my bed, and it already feels a little more like home.
Kristen knocks, just as she promised. She sees us both dressed and she comes in, dropping her books onto her bed.
“Hey, I’m Kristen,” she says, pretending our first introduction didn’t occur. I introduce myself and Derek while she unpacks her books, stacking them in the school’s standard bookshelves that line the walls. “Are you going to dinner tonight?” She asks, but I’m not sure if she is inviting me or not. I was supposed to take part in online discussions all summer to meet people from my floor and my classes, but I didn’t. When I wasn’t working, I was with Derek. I’m starting to realize that this means everyone may already know one another and I’ll be left out. I wonder if she thinks I’m rude.
“Um…” I say.
“Wanna come with me?” She collapses onto her bed and pulls out her cell phone. “I would love the company.”
“Yeah. Derek is leaving soon. I’d like that.” I’m relieved that she’s friendly and that she doesn’t seem to mind that I wasn’t more social this summer.
“Great. Just let me know when you’re ready.” She plugs her headphones into her phone and rolls over so her back is to us.
Derek sits on my bed with me and holds my hands. “I’m gonna miss you so much,” he says. “I’ve been so spoiled this summer, spending every day with you.”
“I know,” I say and lean into him. His arms wrap around me entirely and I breathe in his scent. I love how he always smells like a mix of soap and boy. Not to mention that after we’re together, he smells like me as well. It’s so intimate and it makes me feel so close to him. There is something incredibly comforting about Derek, probably because he’s the first boy I ever really knew. Growing up, he was the only person, outside of my brother, who even acknowledged me – and now… Well, he is definitely not my brother!
His phone buzzes and he kisses me deeply after he sees that it’s Jon. “I’ll see you this weekend,” he says. I walk out to the hall with him and he pushes me against the wall, kissing me harder. “And tonight we’ll talk online.”
“I love you,” I tell him. He brushes my hair from my face and kisses my forehead.
“I love you, too, Lily. Have fun at dinner. I’ll talk to you tonight.”
I watch him go, missing him before he even turns the corner. When I get back to my room, I smile when I see that he’s already texted me. You’re beautiful. I’m so glad you’re mine. I text him back that I love him and to drive carefully. I turn my attention to Kristen. She rolls over and pulls her headphones out.
“Ready?” She asks.
“Yeah.” I’m feeling lonely and sad without Derek, which is lame and I try not to let it get to me. I went almost an entire year of high school without him while he was away at school with my brother. We only saw each other once a month or so outside of breaks, so I know I am being silly. Still, it feels suddenly empty without him. I try to cover it, but Kristen can sense the gnawing sadness.
“How long have you been dating?” She asks as we make our way to dinner.
“Just over ten months. It’ll be a year right around my birthday.”
“That’s cute. He obviously adores you.”
“You can’t tell? Damn, I would kill for a guy like that.”
It makes me so happy to hear her say that, because I still can’t get over the fact that we are actually together. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel real. Derek and I don’t have a ton in common, but we’ve known each other for so long that I feel like he defines what I look for in a guy. He’s the jock and I’ve always been the nerd. He’s outgoing and friendly and I’m shy. Together, though, we seem to work.
“He’s been my brother’s best friend our whole lives. I still can’t believe it’s real. I have wanted him since I was a kid,” I tell Kristen. I instantly like her and I like how naturally comfortable I am when talking to her. My best friend Abby is taking a year off from college and traveling, so I’m starting school completely on my own. In the short walk, though, college is looking up and I push my sadness aside. Classes start tomorrow anyway and I will be too busy to miss Derek.
The cafeteria is crazy when we get there. I think I am one of the only students who waited to move in until the last night. Kristen brings me over to the line and I take a plate of chicken and broccoli pasta. It looks better than most of what I eat at home; I could certainly eat like this every night.
“Don’t get too excited,” Kristen says. “By Thursday, I’m sure we’ll be eating whatever they can make out of these leftovers.”
That’s disappointing, but I figure I should enjoy it while I can and take extra. We go to a table where there are already two girls and three guys sitting. Kristen must know them, although they look at me a little funny. It isn’t rude, but they seem surprised to see me – as if they already know everyone else on campus. It’s probably just paranoia, but I kick myself mentally for not listening to all the emails the school sent suggesting we make use of social networking and the campus message boards to get to know everyone. I feel like I’m the only freshman who hasn’t been actively making friends for three months.
“Guys, this is Lily. My roommate.”
One of the guys, a tall, lanky one, looks me over. “Ah, the elusive roommate. So nice to finally meet you. I’m Don.”
“Nice to meet you, too. Finally,” I echo, although they couldn’t have moved in much earlier than I did. I’m not sure if he’s being a jerk or just kidding around.
“I’m messing with you,” he says. “It’s been like two days. Glad you survived the move in, though.”
“Does anyone not survive it, Don?” Kristen asks. “You’re an idiot.”
Everyone at the table laughs and I don’t know why it feels so weird. I wasn’t popular in high school, but I had friends and was capable of socializing. For some reason, though, I feel like I am completely out of the loop. Don says it’s only been two days, but this group acts as if they’ve been friends since kindergarten. I guess I wasn’t expecting it to be like this – this sort of closeness after living with people for only a few days. I have no idea what to expect from college and I’m starting to feel anxious. What if I don’t belong here?
They go through introductions. The two girls are Mary and Caitlin. Mary is glaring at me, but Caitlin seems friendly enough. She already bought all her books, but offers to go with me between classes tomorrow to get mine. Lyle sits beside Don. He is dorky, but seems excited to talk to me. I feel like we could be friends. The last guy is Ethan. He smiles broadly at me, but stops talking after Mary shoots him a look. I figure out that he and Mary are dating as she continues to shoot daggers at me until I stop trying to engage Ethan in conversation.
“So, Lily, what made you decide on this illustrious institution?” Don asks.
“Did you apply anywhere else?” Caitlin asks.
“A few places, but I went where the money was.” I don’t know if I should be ashamed to admit that, but they all seem to get it.
“That’s why I almost went to State,” Lyle says. “Luckily, financial aid came through at the last minute.”
“My best friend decided to go to State,” Mary adds. “She’s worried about maintaining her grades and losing her scholarship.” The comment is pointed and I think Mary is trying to challenge me. I don’t worry about that, though, because academics come easily enough for me. I’m more worried about having no friends.
“My brother and boyfriend go there,” I tell her. She softens as soon as she hears the word boyfriend. Maybe I can get her on my side after all.
“It’s not the same school, but at least you’re close,” she says.
“We are, and he means everything to me.” She gets the pointed retort and, when Lyle changes the subject, Mary’s glare lessens. She’s not friendly exactly, but she seems a little less bitchy at least.
Dinner is easy and I enjoy the company of these people even with Mary’s jealousy. It turns out most of us are majoring in English or history, which means a whole group of people with similar interests as well as course loads. This helps, because I feel like being part of something will keep me on track. Kristen is the only one of us majoring in education. Being around everyone also lessens my sadness, since I miss Derek so much and I don’t really know anyone else yet. I hate saying no when they invite me back to Caitlin’s room, but I have my Skype date with Derek. Before they head in the other direction, we all agree to meet for breakfast before classes start tomorrow.
I walk back to the dorm alone. It’s gotten dark, but it is still warm; I feel heavy when I walk. I chose to come here for a lot of reasons actually, although I didn’t say that tonight at dinner. A part of me didn’t want to go to the same school as my brother and Derek; I wanted to prove I didn’t need someone else to help me. Now I’m wondering if it was the right move. My grades were better than they needed to be for State, but I still would not mind snuggling up next to Derek tonight rather than chatting with him online before sleeping alone. I tell myself it’s stupid, since my parents didn’t let us sleep in my bed at home either. I know this is the best place for me, and that I’ll get a better education here. I didn’t bust my ass for all of high school just to go where my boyfriend was. I tell myself that I’m establishing a future for myself, even if it means Derek and I are apart. Still, a few couples pass me as I walk and I yearn for him. It’s hard to think about the future when the present stings this much.
Derek’s already online when I get back. I’m surprised at how quickly he signed in and smile when I see that he has already sent me another text. I am waiting for you, beautiful.
I change into one of Derek’s t-shirts that serves as a nightshirt, hoping we will have some privacy when we talk. I’m horny again already and Kristen won’t be back for a bit. I want to talk to Derek, but I am also craving his touch. Although that’s impossible, I’m sure we can come up with something to ease the ache. I log in and my heart swells at seeing him. Jon is putting posters on the walls, but Derek is sitting at his computer. I wish I could reach through the screen and run my fingers through his messy hair; it looks like he just got out of the shower and my mind thinks about other things I would do with him if he were here. I shake the thoughts away and smile.
“No decorating for you,” I ask.
“Not until after I talk to you. I have all day tomorrow anyway.”
“Right. Your classes start later than mine. Lucky,” I pout.
“You’ll be fine. What time is your first class?”
“8:30, which is a ridiculous time for any class. I met some people and we’re having breakfast first.”
“See? You are already socializing.” His smile lights up my computer screen. It hurts because he’s just an image, not flesh and blood beside me.
“I miss you,” I confess. “It actually aches.”
“I know. But it’s only during the week and once classes start…”
“Yeah,” I agree, refusing to ruin our conversation with sadness. “So how’s Jon?”
“Ask him yourself.” He calls Jon over to the computer and my brother appears onscreen. As always, Jon looks happy just to be alive. His smile reminds me of home and I feel homesick now, on top of missing my boyfriend.
“Hey Lily,” Jon says.
“You’re doing a good job making your room not look like Alcatraz. Sorry I am rendering your roommate useless.”
“He’s useless with or without you,” Jon jokes. “Get some sleep tonight, okay? Make sure you start out right.”
“You know I’m almost nineteen, Jon. I’m not in elementary school!”
“No, but you want to keep your scholarship and staying up all night the first night isn’t-”
“Jon, it’s like nine o’clock.”
“Also, the two of you are lucky to even pass classes. Stop acting like a douche. I’m not your kid sister anymore, okay?
“You’ll always be my little sister. And this one best remember it.” He smacks Derek in the back of the head and I smile, watching them mess around. My brother and I have always been close, so I worried about Derek and me, but he’s been supportive. I wonder what will happen if we don’t work out, though. I shake my head; there is no reason even to think about such things.
“Seriously, Lily, get some sleep,” Jon says. “He’ll keep you up all night if he can. I will see you soon.” He leaves the screen. I want to ask him to stay, to ask if he felt homesick, but as close as we are, he’s still a guy. He doesn’t share feelings and he’ll probably just tease me for being emotional.
“He’s gone for a bit,” Derek says. “But he’s right. I don’t want to screw up your first day. I know you have classes tomorrow, but we will talk after dinner?”
“Yeah, call me. I like talking to you on the phone. Besides, then I can-”
He laughs. “Yeah, I know. I remember a certain night last fall. I know exactly what you can do.”
“It’s all for you, Derek.”
“What about tonight? Any plans?” His voice is teasing and I feel the tingling between my legs in response.
“Well, do you have a minute?”
“I certainly do,” he says and, although I can’t see it from this angle, I know he’s reaching for his zipper.
“You know my pussy is wet just thinking about you?” I reach between my legs, sliding my hand up under my nightshirt, and tease my clit while I watch his face react to what I’m saying.
“Are you touching it?”
“I am. What are you doing?”
“Missing you.” I can see his arm moving, but it’s his face that identifies just what Derek is doing. He closes his eyes and lets out a soft groan. I imagine him stroking himself and think of earlier this evening.
“Keep thinking about putting that cock inside of me, Derek.”
“Oh, Lily, you’re so fucking tight. I want to fuck you right now.”
I move my fingers faster, slipping two inside of myself and I watch Derek jerk off. His eyes stay closed while he says my name, but it turns me on to see what he’s doing. I think of riding him and how good his cock feels inside me, and how big it is when he’s hard and ready. I wish I could see it, but the fact that I can’t almost makes me hotter. I come while I picture him fucking me and then I just enjoy watching him finish. After he’s done, he looks a little embarrassed but I smile.
“That was hot.”
“It’s still not the same as being with you,” he says.
“I know, but you know I’m all yours.”
“Good. I will be sure to enjoy you this weekend, but get some sleep tonight. I love you, sweetie.”
“I love you.”
We log off and I turn off my computer. I should go to sleep, but I’m restless. It isn’t late and I don’t know what to do with myself. I could decorate, but my energy is the kind that makes you tired at the same time you want to run a marathon. The school hasn’t set up our cable yet either, so I can’t even watch TV. I consider going for a walk; Kristin comes back in as I am debating.
“Hey, you should have come. It was great,” she says. “Everyone’s really chill.”
“Sorry, I’m just-”
“Yeah, I get it. I saw him,” she laughs.
“I swear I’m not that girl who ditches everything just because she has a boyfriend, but I miss him a lot.”
“It happens. I don’t have a boyfriend, but it’s hard enough starting over without one. I can imagine what you must be feeling.”
“It sucks,” I admit. “But I’m not here for that. I just need to remember it.”
“Right. Classes tomorrow. Yay. When’s your first one?”
“First thing,” I sigh.
“Sucks. Me too, though, so we can get up at the crack of dawn together. Look, I was gonna check Facebook and then take a shower. Will I be bothering you if you’re going to sleep?”
“No, I’m fine,” I say and I wonder why I feel so sad when she leaves the room. I crawl into my bed for my first night as a college student. Nothing has happened, but something feels so wrong. My body is tense and I wish I could shake the bad feelings that are hovering. This is supposed to be a good experience. I just need to stop overthinking everything. It’ll be fine, I tell myself as I fall asleep.
Genre – New Adult Erotic Romance
Rating – X